Potato

Adam and the Witch
Adam and the Witch A man named Adam walked along a forest trail, when suddenly he was stopped by an evil looking crone, who calls herself a witch. The witch screeches at him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed!" Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive." Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely will be cursed!" Adam: "Nope. You're hideous." The witch then transformed him into an ant. Witch: "Look where your rudeness brought you! " Adam: "Yeah this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato." Witch: "Very well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!" He is still adamant.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What girl likes it in all her holes at the same time?
Mrs. Potato Head.
The Old Man and the Potato
The Old Man and the Potato A young man moved to the beach area and is trying to meet women, but isn't having much luck. One day, the young guy is walking down the beach, and he passes an old guy, who is completely surrounded by young beautiful women in bikinis vying for his attention. The young guy scratches his head and keeps walking, but can't understand how that old guy is meeting so many women... The next day, he takes a stroll on the beach again, and passes the same guy, who once again has many attractive young women with him. The next time he walks down the beach, he sees the old guy again, and he still has hot young women all around him. Finally, he decides that he has to know the old guy's secret, so he pulls the guy aside and asks, "How do you do it? How do you always attract so many hot young women?" The old guy responds, "Tomorrow, when you head out to the beach, slip a potato inside your bathing suit!" So the next day, the young guy slides a potato into his bathing suit and heads out for his daily beach walk. But today, all the women are actually moving farther and farther away from him! He finds the old guy again and says, "Hey, what's going on? I followed your advice, I put a potato in my bathing suit, and the women are practically running away from me!" The old guy sighs and says: "Try again tomorrow, but this time, put the potato in the front!"
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.