Short

What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
A cowboy and a red Indian are walking through the desert...
After a short time the Indian stops the cowboy before dropping to his knees and placing his ear to the ground. Upon standing the Indian says firmly "Buffalo come"

"That's amazing" says the cowboy, "How can you tell that?"

The Indian replies...

"Sticky face"
Funny Poems Page 1

One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
Short Funny Quotes
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
George Burns
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Chris Rock
A Female Secret
A Female Secret Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says "We're Catholic so we can't use it." The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm method." The third woman says "I'm catholic too but we use the bucket and saucer method." "What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others ask. "Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him."
You are about one bit short of a byte.
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
There was an old man of Connaught.
Whose prick was remarkably short,
When he got into bed
The old woman said,
"That's not a prick, it's a wart."
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!