Woman Jokes

"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."
"Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Lawyer: "Doctor, as a result of your examinations, would you say the woman was pregnant?"
Doctor: "Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination."
(Taken from an actual trial)
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
A Peruvian pervert named Bruno
Once said, "There is one thing I do know:
A woman is fine,
A boy is divine,
But a llama is numero uno!"
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
I'm not a snowman, but woman, you make my heart melt.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him a dollar.
Then I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
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