Drinks Jokes

I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful
but
I
do
eat
well!

(William Cole)
How to determine the gender of your cat?
pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel walked into a local pub. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are underaged. I can’t serve you beer.”
The weasel asks, “What can I have?” The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel..
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”

The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”

“Pop!” goes the weasel.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Let's get drinks, cuz I wanna get into the holiday ~spirit~ with you.
The Old Man and the Puddle It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub across the street to get a few drinks. The rain was pouring as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle in front of the pub. As he crossed the street, he noticed a ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. His curiosity piqued, he stopped next to the old man and asked what he was doing. "Fishing." The old man said simply without looking at George. "Poor old fool." George thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub. He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he thought he'd humor the old man and asked, "Well... how many have you caught?" "You're the eighth."
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
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