Confused Jokes

What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
The Secure Bench
The Secure Bench A new general was allotted to a new army base. After some time in the base he realized how there were two army men guarding an empty bench in shifts. He asked his colleagues and his juniors what it was all about. A colleague said “I don’t know but it’s been a tradition here since joined 35 years ago.” The general confused as he was went through the past generals of that base till he found the one that was in charge 35 years ago. He attempted to find him, and found that he had retired and he lived in the countryside now. He contacted him and requested to meet. On the day of the meeting the general asked the retired commander why that bench was guarded so much. The commander was shocked. “So you’re telling me the paint on that bench hasn’t dried yet?!”
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused,” I’d be thinking “where the heck did all these nickels come from?”
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
A Question of Origins
A Question of Origins My 3 year old daughter came to me and asked: “Mommy, where does poo come from?” I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: “You just had breakfast?” “Yes”, she replied. “Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what’s left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.” She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: “And Tigger?”
How Many Years Did I Live Again?
How Many Years Did I Live Again? A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you." Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the contractor sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive." "Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!" The contractor is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty." "That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."
An Absent Minded Doctor
An Absent Minded Doctor A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Darn, some as*hole has my pen!"
My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you"
Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
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