Books

Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?" The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not."
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Blonde vs. Librarian
Blonde vs. Librarian A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and, screaming, said, “I have a complaint!” “How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her. “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!” Puzzled by her complaint, the librarian asked: “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Books are my kind of texts.
I like big books and I cannot lie.
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.

*Baste on a True Story...*
Life Really Does Happen In Numbers
Life Really Does Happen In Numbers Four men were discussing coincidences at a bar. The first man said: "My wife was reading a Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins." "That’s funny", the second man remarked. "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets" “My goodness,” the third man chimed in. “The same happened to me. My wife had quintuplets after reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven.” The fourth man shouted, now looking quite ill, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!!"
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
The Weird Leg Noises
The Weird Leg Noises A man went to the doctor. He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks." "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can." I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places."