Need

What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
Unknown
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
The Weird Leg Noises
The Weird Leg Noises A man went to the doctor. He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks." "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can." I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places."