Leg Jokes

I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
A centipede was happy quite,
Until a frog in fun
Said, “Pray, which leg comes after which?”
This raised her mind to such a pitch,
She lay distracted in the ditch
Considering how to run.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Someone said, "You are so tall that if you break your leg, you will use ladders as crutches". I simply replied, "I have no time to put up with you guys. Life is short, just like you".
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
I Was Going to Tell a Joke, But...
I Was Going to Tell a Joke, But... I'd tell you a confidence joke but I'm insecure I'd tell a war joke but I'm afraid it would bomb I'd tell an enema joke but you couldn't hold it in I'd tell a flogger joke but it doesn't have much impact. I'd tell a bondage joke but it's too restrictive. I'd tell you an underground railroad joke but you'd run away. I'd tell a monotone joke but it doesn't have any range I'd tell a hanging joke but I always choke \I'd tell you a constipation joke, but it's full of... well, you know. I'd tell a Wesley Snipes tax joke but it's too evasive I'd tell a big ass joke but it's too much to grasp I'd tell an amputee joke but I don't have a leg to stand on I'd tell a cyber-security joke but you couldn't hack it I'd tell a joke about a joke but it'd be recursive I'd tell a pot joke but it's half baked I'd tell a small penis joke but there's not enough there I'd tell a gay joke but I'm not sure I could tell it straight I'd tell a porky pig joke but tha..tha..that's all folks!
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
The Weird Leg Noises
The Weird Leg Noises A man went to the doctor. He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks." "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can." I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places."
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