I had a colonoscopy recently and believe it or not getting the camera up there doesn't hurt as much as you might think. It's the crew that's the killer.
The KGB and the Rabbit
Years ago, the CIA, the Mossad and the KGB were tasked to find a rabbit in a dense forest as a friendly competition between agencies.
The CIA, returns with a rabbit in 24 hours, explaining that they'd used an array of satellites pinpointing the location of the rabbit in record time.
The Mossad returns with a rabbit in 48 hours, stating that they'd used a network of informants and ground operatives to locate the rabbit with a fraction of the cost.
The KGB agents return after 5 days with a giant bear.
Surprised and bemused, the other parties laugh and say to the KGB that they were supposed to bring back a rabbit!
The KGB agents replied: "This is a rabbit, ask it for yourself if you don't believe us."
As they all turn towards the bear.
The bear glances at the KGB agents fearfully and says: "I'm a rabbit."
I can't believe I got a life sentence for a little insider trading. The judge called it "organ harvesting", but that's just semantics.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.”
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?”
The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”
Two deer walk out of a bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”