Jokes > Tags > Cup

Cup

I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
The Ex-Jewish Rabbit
The Ex-Jewish Rabbit So a rabbit is enjoying some earl grey in his garden when his friend arrives. His friend says, "Please come back to us." The rabbit, formerly Jewish, says, "No, sorry, I don't believe anymore." His friend grabs him by one arm and tugs, saying, "Come with me, come on! You have to join us down at the synagogue! You used to lead us and we miss you!" Almost dropping his cup due to the tugging, the rabbit rights himself and says, "You almost made me break my favorite cup! Please leave!" His friend angrily storms off. The rabbit's wife comes out and says, "What was that about?" The rabbit says, "My friend wanted me to lead the community at the synagogue again, but I would've had to drop the tea."
A Fresh Cup of Coffee
A Fresh Cup of Coffee A young man dressed walks tall through the doors of the local coffee shop one Sunday morning. He sits lazily and looks the place up and down before raising his hand and summoning a waiter. "I would like your FRESHEST coffee, none of that muddy stuff you probably usually make from yesterday's leftovers." The waiter assured him they make fresh coffee many times per day. "I'll believe it when I taste it." Said the young man. "I'm from New York and I know good coffee. There's very little chance you've got good coffee here, so at least make a new batch for me." and he shoos him away. The waiter goes to the kitchen and comes back with a cup of steamy coffee. The man tastes it and immediately makes a disgusted face. "Just what I thought, that's not FRESH. Come on, make me another one!" The waiter goes back to the kitchen and indeed takes some time to return. Upon his return he is holding a steaming and aromatic coffee cup. The waiter gives the gentleman the cup and he takes a sip... before spitting it out immediately. He turns to the waiter and shouts, “This is way worse! This coffee tastes like mud!” The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the man and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.
When I go to donate blood I expect a cup of tea, a biscuit and a polite word of thanks...
...not a whole lot of screaming, my bucket confiscated, and a cop asking me questions.
“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”
“Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.