Hearing Jokes

Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"

The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."

The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
Silent But Deadly
Silent But Deadly There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor. After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into her office, leaned back in her chair, folded her hands into a steeple and asked her how she could help. "Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh ... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?" "Well, Margaret" said the doctor, raising her voice, "I think the first thing we're going to do is to give you a hearing test."
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Hard to Hear
Hard to Hear An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. And do you know what?" "What?" asked the doctor. "I've changed my will three times!"
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.Then you can witness The Fall of Rome."
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
What's worse than seeing a spider run over your pillow?
Hearing it run over your pillow.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy