My new phone is "smart." I guess that I'm not.
Amazing what all this here smart phone has got.
TV and Weather and Internet, too.
There's just no limits to what it can do.
Check my blood pressure and my temperature
Without even probing all my apertures.
I now know the time in Paris or Greece.
I can track the migration of thousands of geese
Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map.
Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at?
A camera...a CAMERA! Now I can take shots
Of everyone I know (who'd rather I not).
Push this here button and take me a "selfie."
(If it had a nose would this thing take a "smellfie"?)
Email to pester with, video to shoot,
Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot!
A compass to guide me home if I'm lost.
Thank God work paid for this thing (what it COSTS!).
The things that it does would amaze Mr. Bell.
What he would have thought of it, no one can tell,
But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw.
Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe,
They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all
...but how do I just simply make a phone call?
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms, so here's a list:
WWW
World Wide Wait
COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
DOS
Defective Operating System
OS/2
Obsolete Soon 2
BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM
I Blame Microsoft
SAP
Slow And Painful
BSDO
Blue Screen of Death
Google
Gradually Overcoming Our Ghastly Legal Environment
Yahoo
You Always Have Other Options
Go to BabaMail
