Internet

Yo Mama so stupid she went to the beach to surf the internet.
Funny facts about Google users:
50% of people use Google well as a search engine.
The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected
I found some internet history from my wife on my computer where she'd typed "how to leave husband". It got me really worried.
How did she find out the password to my computer?
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
The Smartphone Poem
The Smartphone Poem My new phone is "smart." I guess that I'm not. Amazing what all this here smart phone has got. TV and Weather and Internet, too. There's just no limits to what it can do. Check my blood pressure and my temperature Without even probing all my apertures. I now know the time in Paris or Greece. I can track the migration of thousands of geese Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map. Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at? A camera...a CAMERA! Now I can take shots Of everyone I know (who'd rather I not). Push this here button and take me a "selfie." (If it had a nose would this thing take a "smellfie"?) Email to pester with, video to shoot, Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot! A compass to guide me home if I'm lost. Thank God work paid for this thing (what it COSTS!). The things that it does would amaze Mr. Bell. What he would have thought of it, no one can tell, But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw. Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe, They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all ...But how do I just simply make a phone call?
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet
I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1973
Do you like the internet? Because I can put you on there if you come back to my place.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Yo momma so fat her idea of dieting is deleting the cookies from her internet cache.