By the river, next to a farm, there sits the "black cow" of the herd, smoking weed.
A beaver swims up to her and asks:
โHey, cow, what are you doing?โ
โIโm smoking weed.โ said the cow.
โGive me some; Iโve never smoked beforeโฆโ exclaimed the beaver.
The cow relinquished the joint, the beaver inhaled the smoke and immediately exhaled it. The cow replies,
โNo no, not like that! Look: youโre inhaling the smoke and holding it in your lungs for a long time. Besides, swim downstream for a bit, come back here, and then exhale. And Iโm telling you, you'll really enjoy it.โ
They did as planned. The beaver inhaled, swam underwater to the other side of the river, and after a few moments, felt quite bizarre. He came ashore, flopped down on the grass, and slumped. A hippo approached him and asked,
โHey, beaver, what are you doing?โ
โAh, see, hippo, Iโm super highโฆโ
โGive me some stuff; I want some too.โ said the bored hippo excitedly
โSwim across to the other side to the cow - she will share some with you.โ
The hippo swam upstream and came ashore, and as he approached the now-napping cow, she popped her eyes open and screamed:
โBeaver, for goodness sake, LET SOME AIR OUT!โ
There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.
She stopped and called the sheep herder over. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?"
"Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382".
"Wow!" said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
A leather worker was flying to Australia when his plan crashed. As bad luck would have it, he got separated from the rest of the floating passengers and found himself stranded on a small deserted island.
Desperate to survive, the leather worker searches the island for food to eat. Luckily, he finds a herd of docile cows on the island. He successfully hunts one of the cows and skillfully cleans and prepares the cow's skin and meat for himself.
With a steady supply of food, the leather worker knew it was time to find a way off the island. He decides to make a large canopy out of the cow's leather and used some leaves to spell out S.O.S that could easily be seen from above. A few days later, a passing plane spots the message, and calls a ship to rescue the man.
It just goes to show you that when all else fails, the best thing to do is to hide in plane sight.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SOCIALISM
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, and then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
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