My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.