How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.