What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
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