A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
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