What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.