What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.