Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
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