There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
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