What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
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