What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.