The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
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What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
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