You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys an extra case of beer. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
What are a married man's two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
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