Jokes For WomenJoke Generator

It's a women's world, at least here in our Short Jokes For Women Category!

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
How are splinters better than a man?
Splinters are a pain, but they go away eventually.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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