What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
What do a balloon and a man have in common?
One prick pretty much ruins them.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
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