My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.