Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
My ex husband went to a colonoscopy the other day.
Good news: They found his head!
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What are a married man's two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Go to BabaMail
