Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
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