Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
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