Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
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