Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.