On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
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