Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
You know what they say? Words.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.