If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
You know what they say? Words.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
Knock knock.
Come in.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
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