Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
You know what they say? Words.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
Go to BabaMail
