What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Knock knock.
Come in.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Go to BabaMail
