“Sagittarians are aliens disguised as humans.”
— Ramana Pemmaraju
"Pay attention to today's horoscope: Saturn is backtracking and it looks like you're going to be screwed again."
"How many Taureans does it take to change a lamp? None. Taureans don't like to change anything."
“Excuse me while I have a Pisces moment.”
— Patricia Lantz
“I have such an ego ’cause I’m a double Leo. I can’t let go of me, you know, so it’s very difficult for me to be somebody else and not me. I’m so into me.”
— Paul Mooney
"Yesterday I read the horoscope and it was written:" Born of Gemini will be happy in 2018. "I was very sad that I didn't have a twin."