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alphabet soup Jokes

alphabet soup Jokes and more.
How to Start a Sentence...
Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I" After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says "I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher, "I am!" She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again "I is-" again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily "It's I am! Use the proper word!" The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation. "Fine," she sighs "I AM the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Pea Puns
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Doctor Puns
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Food puns
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Language Pick Up Lines
There are 21 letters in the alphabet right? Oh wait, I forgot u, r, a, q, t.
Blonde Jokes
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Lamp Puns
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Winter Puns
What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Christmas Puns
The Christmas alphabet has noel.
Ghoul Puns
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
That Little Pill
A senior couple decides to try Viagra for the first time ever. They have an incredible night together. In the morning, the wife asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. “Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving!"
Animal Pick Up Lines
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put ewe and I together.
Never Throw Items Out a Plane
There’s a Mexican, an American and a Russian man on a plane. The Mexican says, "I hate my country!" And throws a tin of soup out the window. The American says, "I hate my country!" and throws a pie out the window. The Russian says, "I hate my country!" And throws a bomb out the window. The plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying and asks him "what's wrong kid?" The kid says, "a tin of soup fell on my mom's head and now she’s dead." "I didn't do that!" says the Mexican. The American sees another kid crying and asks her "what's wrong kid?" The kid says, "my mom was driving, and a pie fell on her windshield and she drove off a cliff as she couldn't see!" "I didn't do that!" says the American. Then the Russian gets off the plane and sees a kid laughing his head off. The Russian says, "what's so funny?" The kid says, "Daddy just farted and the house went BOOM!"
One Liners for Kids
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Is It Because I'm Blond?
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Ah, yes, very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No dear, it's because you're 24."
Romantic Pick Up Lines
I like 25 letters of the alphabet
But I love U.
Divorce Puns
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
Anti Pick Up Lines
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Funny Break Up Lines
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Rejection Pick Up Lines
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you before GLY
Asking Dad a Question
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting — don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."
History Puns
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Duck Puns
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
Peach Puns
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Toxic Pick Up Lines
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would P on U.
It Is SO COLD THAT...
How cold IS IT? It's so cold THAT... The rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe. Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets. You have to break the smoke off your chimney. You have to open the fridge to heat the house. Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass. Police tell a robber to freeze, and he really does. Our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about. People look forward to getting a fever Mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears I'm shivering like a mobster in a tax office. We had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post Pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins Lady Liberty put her torch inside her dress! Prisoners are begging for the electric chair. Richard Simmons wearing shorts that come nearly to the half-thigh region. Roosters are rushing into KFC and begging to use the pressure cooker! A streaker froze in mid-streak! I chipped my tooth on my soup. Dunkin' Donuts is serving coffee on a stick. The local flasher was seen describing himself to three different women this morning. We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm. I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket. I'm drinking hot sauce instead of coffee. Ice cubes are coming out of my faucet. Trees are chopping themselves into firewood. Cops are tasing themselves. I saw a greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside. The ice cubes in my drink have goose bumps. When all is said and done, I'm really thankful for the HOT FLASHES!
Ocean Puns
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
One Liners and Short Jokes
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Soup Puns
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Greece Puns
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
The Best Occupation to Operate On
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."
Puns
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
Because they always get Lost at C (Sea).
Mother Puns
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
Working at The Circus
So, Alex sees an ad in the newspaper that says “Circus Looking for New Talents”. Alex says to himself, “Eh, what the heck. I’m pretty talented.” and calls the circus. A lady answers him. “Hello,” she says. “Hi, is this the circus?” “Yes.” “I’ve heard you’re hiring.” “You’ve heard correctly, sir. What is your name?” “Alex.” “Alright then, Alex, what makes you think you can join the circus?” “Well, I have several talents... for example, I can shoot a three-pointer in basketball, like five times in a row.” “O... Okay... That’s quite impressive, sir, but it’s not really not what we’re looking for. I think maybe you should call the NB...” “No, no, wait! I... I can hula hoop for like 30 seconds straight!” “Sir, I really don’t think you understand what the concept of a cir...” “No, please, I... I... I can jump on one leg while saying the alphabet backwards!” “...” “...” “Goodbye, sir.” She hangs up the phone. Alex sits there for a few seconds before he realizes he forgot something. “Oh darn, I forgot to tell her I’m a horse.”
The Surprise Gift
It was a man's 80th birthday and his friends wanted to get him a special gift. Since he was a widower of many years, and after some discussion, they decide to have a hooker come to his house that night and give him the time of his life. Later that evening as the old man was getting ready for bed he hears the doorbell ring. He opens the door and sees a hooker standing there in a sexy outfit. She says to the senior: "Hi there, I'm here to give you some lovin'!" The old man thinks for a moment... then says: "I'll take the soup".
Crow Puns
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Life in the Fertilized Egg Business
Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. Whitey kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of Whitey's time so Whitey got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Whitey could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. Whitey's favorite rooster was old Brewster, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning, Whitey noticed old Brewster's bell hadn't rung at all! Whitey went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. BUT, to Whitey's amazement, Brewster had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Whitey was so proud of Brewster, he entered him in the county fair... and Brewster became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result... The judges not only awarded Brewster the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.