"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's."
- Clyde Moore