“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
"When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants."
- Mike Garofalo
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous