“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
"When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants."
- Mike Garofalo
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner