"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry