No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. -- Robert Orben
A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip. -- Billy Graham
The number of followers you have doesn't make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12. -- Anonymous
If you use the church's WiFi, are you receiving God's signal? -- Anonymous
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. -- Dave Barry
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. -- Napoleon
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. -- Dante Rossetti
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. -- Doris Egan
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. -- Mark Twain
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. -- Curtis McDougall
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? -- Quentin Crisp
Some things have to be believed to be seen. -- Ralph Hodgson
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. -- Mahatma Ghandi
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. -- Mark Twain
Maybe this world is another planet's hell. -- Aldous Huxley
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -- G. K. Chesterton
I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is. -- Peter Barry
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress. -- Ronald Reagan
Christianity is the strangest religion ever set up, for it committed a murder upon Jesus in order to redeem mankind from the sin of eating an apple. -- Thomas Paine