My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What do you call two pears?
A pair.