What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !