Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Marriage changes passion Suddenly you are in bed with a relative.
Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch her legs.
I'm a student, and I play a game with myself every time I check my bank account.
It's called Meal or no Meal.
There was Old Man in a pew,
Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
But he tore it in pieces
To give to his nieces,
That cheerful Old Man in a pew.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
When is the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of charades.
There once was a man from Peru,
Who had a lot of growing up to do.
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
It’s your birthday, there is no cure,
Cakes and candles, you must endure,
Quick and painless, let me assure,
A tiny chance, you will be mature,
With this crowd, usually secure,
Random fun, with results obscure,
Liquids we drink, definitely pure,
Goofy friends, minds we tour,
Hilarious birthday, that’s for sure.
(Martin Dejnicki)
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Why did the monster truck drive on the sidewalk?
Because he didn’t want to run over the chicken!
Why did the chicken run across the road?
To get to the other side faster.
I took my friend’s board game without him noticing.
He doesn’t have a Clue.
A circus performer named Brian,
Once smiled as he rode on a lion.
They came back from the ride,
But with Brian inside,
And the smile on the face of the lion.
Fifty is ten past forty
Age is but a number and counting time tends to bore me.
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up
(Ogden Nash)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you
I invented a drink today called ‘the Shutter Island Iced Tea’.
It’s the same as a Long Island Iced Tea, but it has a twist at the end.
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.
(Gelett Burgess)
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme… Then two of my friends would have a dollar and two of their friends EACH would have had two dollars. And the guy above them? He’d get tons of dollars.
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
- Jack Prelutsky
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
"Daddy Neck Stretchers"
A long neck giraffe,
I saw it at the zoo.
And I wished my head
could be up high, too!
Daddy, I asked,
Why is my neck so small?
I want a giraffe's neck,
long and tall.
Then I could touch
the sky so blue,
just like the giraffe's
with his neck-tall view.
I need a neck stretcher.
Daddy, please get me one.
To be high up in the air,
would be so much fun!
Suddenly, Up! Up! Up!
I felt myself rise!
With my head in the clouds,
I was no longer kid-sized.
Next to the giraffe,
I sat proud and tall.
My daddy's the best
neck stretcher of all.
– Darlene Gifford
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back in it so it won't explode?
I kinda need a quick response...
Roses are green,
Violets are blue,
I’m colorblind.
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
What is a newborn mothers favorite song? Silent night!
How did the egg cross the road?
It scrambled across!
Why didn’t the flamingo cross the road?
Because he’s not a chicken.
I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.
It's going to be a game changer.
What's the cure for marriage?
Alcoholism.
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
If I had a nickel for every time I received a nickel, I would have an infinite amount of nickels.
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.
That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm wearing my mask
why aren't you?
Today, I donated my phone, watch, and $500 to a homeless man. Words cannot describe how happy I felt
When he put his gun back in his pocket
My wife sighed, “Why does everything have to be a game with you?”
I replied, “An excellent question, my dear. But next time, please use the buzzer!”
Go to BabaMail
