Wear

If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
An Unexpected Invitation
An Unexpected Invitation Sam had been in the computer business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Minnesota as far from humanity as possible. Sam saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he was just finishing dinner when someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a big, bearded man standing there. "Name's Leon... Your neighbor from four miles away... Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come." "Great," says Sam. "After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Leon was leaving he stopped, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem... after 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he started to leave Leon stopped. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." Sam says, "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again Leon turned from the door. "I've seen some wild se* at these parties, too." "Now that's not a problem," says Sam, "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there...by the way, what should I wear?" Leon stopped in the door again and said, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.