A soldier is reading a book while off duty when he sees his sergeant coming. Everyone hated sergeant Thompson, he always had a big stick up his bum.
"Private."
"Sergeant Thompson, Sir!" the soldier said, standing up smartly.
"At ease."
The soldier gladly returned to his book... until he realized the sergeant is still standing over him, staring at the cover.
"Yes, Sarge?"
"What's that rubbish you're reading there, private? Re..incar..nation? What's that all about?"
"Well," smiles the soldier, "It's pretty simple sir. Say you died, God forbid, and we buried you. Then a few months later grass grew on that plot of land. Then a cow came and ate that grass. As nature dictates, a few hours later it passes it through its stomachs and dumps it out on the ground...
Then I would walk by and say: "Hey Sarge, you haven't changed a bit!""
George is playing fetch with his dog by a lake.
He throws a stick out on the water and the dog trots out atop the water, retrieves the stick and walks back to him. George is flabbergasted. He throws the stick again. And again, the dog trots out atop the water, gets the stick and brings it back.
The man can hardly believe his eyes! Bursting with excitement, that evening he goes to his neighbor's house, Bill, and invites him to come down to the lake the next day, hoping to show off his amazing dog.
Once they arrive, the man throws the stick out into the middle of the lake. Just as before, the dog trots out on top of the water, grabs the stick, and trots back. Bill watches calmly and says nothing.
George throws the stick again. The dog walks on the water, gets it, and returns. Still, the neighbor remains silent.
Unable to contain himself any longer, George asks, "So... did you notice anything unusual about my dog?"
Bill rubs his chin and replies, "Yeah, I noticed. He can't swim, can he?"
โWeโve all done this because weโre so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, โMooooo!โ Like we expect the cow to think, โHey, thereโs another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?โ
My dad always said, โFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.โ โShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.โ
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