Ride

I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
The Mysterious Photo
The Mysterious Photo After a long night buying a foxy woman drinks, Joe took advantage by giving her a ride home. After the walk to the door, the woman asked Joe in for a nightcap... One thing led to another and before you know it, Joe was naked. After making great love, Joe rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, Joe asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer.", she said. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Now Joe was curious and a bit alarmed, was there a husband who will come back? "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly." she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all." she said, nibbling at his ear. "Well, who IS he then?" demanded Joe bewildered. "That's me before the operation." She whispered.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
There once was a man from sprocket
Who went for a ride in a rocket
The rocket went bang
His balls went clang
And he found his d**k in his pocket!
Yo momma so fat you could slap her butt and ride the waves.
Yo mama so fat when she went to the circus the little girl asked if she could ride the elephant.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They came back from the ride,
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
A circus performer named Brian,
Once smiled as he rode on a lion.
They came back from the ride,
But with Brian inside,
And the smile on the face of the lion.
Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!

The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.

It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.

The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.

My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.

The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.

A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.

(by Annabel Sheila)
The Boy, the Donkey and the Old Man
The Boy, the Donkey and the Old Man An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.
What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? They are both fun to ride till a friend sees you on them.