Awful Jokes

My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?

The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
The Boy, the Donkey and the Old Man An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
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