A blond guy always wanted to skydive. He waited for years before he had the nerve and enrolled in a skydiving class.
They were taught how to jump and when to pull the cord. The instructor told them: "First you pull the cord after 10 seconds, if that doesn't work for any reason, pull the second cord for the auxiliary parachute. At the bottom there will be a bus waiting to take pick you up."
So the blond guy takes his parachute and sits nervously with everyone as they are preparing to jump. The light comes on and they start heading out the plane one by one.
When it comes to his turn, the blond guy screams and jumps. For 10 beautiful seconds, he gets to fly and hover. Then he remembers to pull the cord.
Panicked, he pulls the other cord. Again, nothing happens.
"Oh man," said the blond guy to himself, "that bus better be down there or I'm screwed!"
After a long night buying a foxy woman drinks, Joe took advantage by giving her a ride home.
After the walk to the door, the woman asked Joe in for a nightcap... One thing led to another and before you know it, Joe was naked.
After making great love, Joe rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, Joe asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer.", she said. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Now Joe was curious and a bit alarmed, was there a husband who will come back?
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly." she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all." she said, nibbling at his ear.
"Well, who IS he then?" demanded Joe bewildered.
"That's me before the operation." She whispered.