A cowboy emigrated to Wales and opened a ranch at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding.
A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."
The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the sun off'aya when it's hot and the rain off'aya when it rain'n."
"Why do you all wear vests?" Well mame, it keeps ya warm when it's cold but it leaves your arms free for rope'n and work'n."
"What about the chaps? " "They keep the burrs and brambles off'a ya."
She says "that all makes perfect sense, but what I don't understand is why you'd wear tennis shoes."
"Aww, that's easy, that's so folks don't mistake us for TRUCKERS!"
Employment Conditions at The Ranch
A man owned a small ranch in Montana.
The Montana Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus he gets free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
"He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.
"He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," said the agent.
"That would be me." replied the rancher.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers He said he needed a ranch hand.
The Sacred Badge
A DEA police officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. From the first second he had a bad attitude about him, annoyed he had to muddy his clean boots out in the country. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Alright, you can search the ranch, but do not go in that field over there."
The DEA officer, clearly angry, says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
"See this badge? DO you?!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land, no questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me?!?" He shouts.
The rancher nods quietly, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, as he runs for all he's worth.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs:
"Your badge... Show him your BADGE!!!"