A hard drinker walks into a local bar and sees three darts laying across the bar top. "Hey, bartender!" The drunk slurs. "Whas...whas.. with th- these darts?" "Oh", the bartender says. "It's a new promotion we're running. Whoever gets three bullseye's in a row wins a prize."
The drunk stands up, swaying fearfully. "Where's that dartboard?!?" He throws the first dart, nearly toppling over in the process but, sure as hell, he gets a bullseye! The drunk throws the second dart with one eye closed, and you guessed it, another bullseye! The bartender can't believe it! Unbelievably, the drunk throws third dart toward the dartboard, not even seeing it hit the bullseye as he'd already turned back to the bar and was yelling for his prize.
But the bartender had nothing! Statistically, nobody, much less this inebriate, should hit three in a row for 100 years! Not knowing what else to do, the bartender goes in the back, looking around, he spots a stuffed turtle sitting in an old dusty tank. Out of options, he grabs it, goes back and hands it to the drunk. Satisfied, the drunk leaves.
A few months go by and the same drunk walks in. "Hey, bartender! Y- you shtill got those darts?" The bartender obliges him, thinking- "What are the odds???" Boom. Boom. Boom. Once again, he makes all three shots.
"Hey! I won again! Now where's my prize?!?" the drunk exclaims.
The bartender can't believe his rotten luck, but a deal is a deal.
"Okay," he hazards, "it's been a while and I forget-what did I give you last time?"
The drunk downs a shot and says-
"Roast beef on a hard roll."
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They go back to his place, and as she shows him around his apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is surprised that this girl would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her so as not to ruin his chances.
She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After he has this intense night of passion with this beautiful girl, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?"
The woman yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
What do you think The bravest drink Under the sky?” “Strong beer,” said I.
“There’s a place for everything, Everything, anything, There’s a place for everything Where it ought to be: For a chicken, the hen’s wing; For poison, the bee’s sting; For almond-blossom, Spring; A beerhouse for me.”
“There’s a prize for everyone, Everyone, anyone, There’s a prize for everyone, Whoever he may be: Crags for the mountaineer, Flags for the Fusilier, For English poets, beer! Strong beer for me!
It was 1855 and two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch after their folks pass away.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the local bank from taking their ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll send you a telegram to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, "It’s just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’"
The telegraph operator shakes his head.
"How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?"
The brunette explains, "My sister’s blonde, she’ll read it out slowly."