Land Jokes

Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
I'm no sandman, but I can take you to cotton candy land.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
By Demeter.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
The Sacred Badge A DEA police officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. From the first second he had a bad attitude about him, annoyed he had to muddy his clean boots out in the country. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Alright, you can search the ranch, but do not go in that field over there." The DEA officer, clearly angry, says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? DO you?!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land, no questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me?!?" He shouts. The rancher nods quietly, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, as he runs for all he's worth. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: "Your badge... Show him your BADGE!!!"
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
How about I land my space shuttle in your International Space Station?
Hey babe, can I colonize your land and exploit you for your natural resources.
“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Roses are red, violets are blue. In all this land, there’s no lady fairer than you.
I have a great relationship with my mother… land.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
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