Land

What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
There once was a fellow named Abe
And today is the day he was slayed
John Wilkes Booth took his life
As he sat with his wife
Who was visibly shocked and dismayed

In Kentucky Abe Lincoln was born
A State that would later be torn
When a war was declared
And a nation prepared
For a lot of dead soldiers to mourn

He moved the Hoosier State
Where they always have corn on their plate
In the law he was trained
Much respect he attained
Winning many a rousing debate

In The Senate he later would serve
With copious gusto and verve
Then The White House he sought
Which he won by a lot
But many down south were unnerved

As President, Lincoln decided
That the law of the land was misguided
And that slaves should be freed
But the south disagreed
And the country was badly divided

What ensued was a horrible war
Full of death and destruction galore
The battles were heated
The south was defeated
But one aimed to settle the score

Now one hundred and forty-nine years
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
The Sacred Badge
The Sacred Badge A DEA police officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. From the first second he had a bad attitude about him, annoyed he had to muddy his clean boots out in the country. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Alright, you can search the ranch, but do not go in that field over there." The DEA officer, clearly angry, says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? DO you?!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land, no questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me?!?" He shouts. The rancher nods quietly, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, as he runs for all he's worth. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: "Your badge... Show him your BADGE!!!"
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.