Clear Jokes

The Sacred Badge A DEA police officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. From the first second he had a bad attitude about him, annoyed he had to muddy his clean boots out in the country. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Alright, you can search the ranch, but do not go in that field over there." The DEA officer, clearly angry, says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? DO you?!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land, no questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me?!?" He shouts. The rancher nods quietly, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, as he runs for all he's worth. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: "Your badge... Show him your BADGE!!!"
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
Steven Wright
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
Has anyone ever told you that your eyes are as clear as crystal? Because I can see straight into your soul.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table.
I needed a run up, but I made it.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife."
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