Understand

A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."

The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the sun off'aya when it's hot and the rain off'aya when it rain'n."

"Why do you all wear vests?" Well mame, it keeps ya warm when it's cold but it leaves your arms free for rope'n and work'n."

"What about the chaps? " "They keep the burrs and brambles off'a ya."

She says "that all makes perfect sense, but what I don't understand is why you'd wear tennis shoes."

"Aww, that's easy, that's so folks don't mistake us for TRUCKERS!"
Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me?
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.
I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
(From movie The Princess Bride)
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A sun walks into a black hole.
The black hole says to the sun "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation".
My son just said to me that he doesn't understand cloning.
I said, "That makes two of us".
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
"Your Colonoscopy went well, I understand." Said Sherlock to Watson.
"No s**t, Sherlock."
I don't understand why people get attacked by sharks.
Can't they hear the music?
A hydrogen molecule gets arrested.
His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case.
I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen.
Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he won’t be charged.
The Sacred Badge
The Sacred Badge A DEA police officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. From the first second he had a bad attitude about him, annoyed he had to muddy his clean boots out in the country. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Alright, you can search the ranch, but do not go in that field over there." The DEA officer, clearly angry, says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? DO you?!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land, no questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me?!?" He shouts. The rancher nods quietly, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, as he runs for all he's worth. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: "Your badge... Show him your BADGE!!!"
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.