Live Jokes

A Desperate Prayer A grandfather takes his grandchildren to the beach. They’re playing in the sand when suddenly, a massive wave comes and pulls the smallest grandson out into the water. Panicked, the grandfather prays to God. “Oh God, please bring him back! Please let him live, in your mercy. I'll do anything and worship you forever!” Almost immediately, an even bigger wave bursts out of the ocean, setting the little boy down right at his grandfather’s feet. He scoops him up in a huge hug, crying with relief. Then he stares up at the sky and says, “He had a hat.”
There's a New Bull in Town Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows." Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows." Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows." Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp. First Bull: "Ahhhh... actually I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend." Second Bull: "I.. I have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few." They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting. First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish - let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a BULL."
Do you live on Mars? ‘Cause you look out of this world.
I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
If I live to a hundred and two, I won't let nobody sting me but you
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