Quiet Jokes

Sorry I'm so quiet this evening. You simply took my breath away.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
Do you wanna go some place quiet, so we can talk?
I'm a very taco-tive person.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
What Mother Superior Found The mother superior is very upset. She walks into the dinner room and announces to all the nuns to be quiet and listen. "I was walking around the gardens, as I do." She says in a loud voice, "When I found some disturbing things! For one, I found a man's underpants!" All the nuns are taken aback except for one, who is smiling. "Then, " continues the mother superior, "I found a WOMAN'S underpants!" All the nuns gasp together, except for one, who is giggling. "And if that wasn't enough, I found.... a... a... used condom!" All the nuns gasp, and some turn white, except for one, who is laughing quietly. "And in the condom," finishes mother superior, "was a hole." All the nuns laugh, except for one, who is crying.
Knock Knock!

Who is there?

Beaver Y.

Beaver Y. who?

Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
The Surgeon Lecturer One day when I was a junior medical student, a very important Boston surgeon visited the school and delivered a great treatise on a large number of patients who had undergone successful operations for vascular reconstruction. At the end of the lecture, a young student at the back of the room timidly asked, "Do you have any control subjects?" The surgeon drew himself up to his full height, slammed the desk with his fist, and said, "Do you mean did I NOT operate on half the patients?!" The hall grew very quiet then. The voice at the back of the room hesitantly replied, "Yes, that's what I had in mind." Then the surgeon's fist really came crashing down as he thundered, "Of course not!! That would have doomed half of them to their death!!" God it was quiet then.... And one could scarcely hear the small voice ask: "Which half?"
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.​” — Homer Simpson
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
"What is a home without children. Quiet." – Henny Youngman
I’m sure people make jokes about getting older
You politely laugh with a quiet smoulder
I know you, always being so polite
Jokes about getting older aren’t always right
Don’t worry about it, age is just a number
Don’t you ever let anyone steal your thunder!
Happy Birthday!
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
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