Listen

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
My neighbours listen to terrific music... Whether they like it or not.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
Ann Landers
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What Mother Superior Found
What Mother Superior Found The mother superior is very upset. She walks into the dinner room and announces to all the nuns to be quiet and listen. "I was walking around the gardens, as I do." She says in a loud voice, "When I found some disturbing things! For one, I found a man's underpants!" All the nuns are taken aback except for one, who is smiling. "Then, " continues the mother superior, "I found a WOMAN'S underpants!" All the nuns gasp together, except for one, who is giggling. "And if that wasn't enough, I found.... a... a... used condom!" All the nuns gasp, and some turn white, except for one, who is laughing quietly. "And in the condom," finishes mother superior, "was a hole." All the nuns laugh, except for one, who is crying.