Found

A recent finding by statisticians found that the average human has one breast and one testicle.
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.“
Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
"We found eggs in a hopeless place."
What Mother Superior Found
What Mother Superior Found The mother superior is very upset. She walks into the dinner room and announces to all the nuns to be quiet and listen. "I was walking around the gardens, as I do." She says in a loud voice, "When I found some disturbing things! For one, I found a man's underpants!" All the nuns are taken aback except for one, who is smiling. "Then, " continues the mother superior, "I found a WOMAN'S underpants!" All the nuns gasp together, except for one, who is giggling. "And if that wasn't enough, I found.... a... a... used condom!" All the nuns gasp, and some turn white, except for one, who is laughing quietly. "And in the condom," finishes mother superior, "was a hole." All the nuns laugh, except for one, who is crying.
I found a pen that writes underwater.
It writes other words too.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.

Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Just found out that my old 3rd grade teacher is now doing time in prison for sexually assaulting a student.
I gotta say, he always rubbed me the wrong way.