I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
Are you Darth Vader, because I wouldn't mind if you used a little force to choke me.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
What Mother Superior Found
What Mother Superior Found The mother superior is very upset. She walks into the dinner room and announces to all the nuns to be quiet and listen. "I was walking around the gardens, as I do." She says in a loud voice, "When I found some disturbing things! For one, I found a man's underpants!" All the nuns are taken aback except for one, who is smiling. "Then, " continues the mother superior, "I found a WOMAN'S underpants!" All the nuns gasp together, except for one, who is giggling. "And if that wasn't enough, I found.... a... a... used condom!" All the nuns gasp, and some turn white, except for one, who is laughing quietly. "And in the condom," finishes mother superior, "was a hole." All the nuns laugh, except for one, who is crying.
A man gives his wive a coffin for her 70th birthday,
When she turns 71, she asks "why didn't you get me a present?" And the man answers "but you havent used the one I gave you last year."
I used to be a boy trapped in a woman’s body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.